flower

"If I had a flower for every time you made me smile or laugh?

I'd have a garden to walk through forever."

happy

today made me happy :)

guess particular things have that effect on me.

didn't do anything extremely different or out of the blue but it was nice, i liked it.

wall

my head hurts...
my forehead that is, in a bruised sort of way,
because today i walked into a wall.
it hurt. a lot. :(

believe

nearly everyone seems under the wrong impression,
thinking the reason is because there's something is wrong.
which there is, but isn't in that way...
the problem isn't there, but here,
but hopefully i'm going to find a way to change that.
i will find a way to change that,
because i want this, more than you'd believe.

JOCS

fun fun night at joc's 16th last night till nearly midnight! with lots of,

• food
• dancing
• candles
• strobe lights
• cake
• innocent drinks
• jelly shots
• everyone giving up and throwing heels in a corner
• justin bieber mistakened for miley cyrus
• birthday girl falling in the bin after drinks haha

but at the end of the night when our parents came to pick us up...
my dad somehow picked up the alcohol smell..
hopefully they're convinced it wasn't now.
hopefully no one elses parents got sus..

partyyy

 END OF TERM ONE BABY, it's time to party hard, relax and just have fun.

cannot wait till tonight, going to be a massive end of term & birthday celebration,

it's time to dance hard and party harder than ever.

see

you only see what i let you see,

nothing less and nothing more.

these

wouldn't you kill to be like these two?

smile

you say to me.

don't you think that if i could i would?

what do you want me to do, put on a fake smile

and pretend that I'm happy when inside I'm hurting?

hello.

unforgettable

it isn't the coffee that is keeping me awake,
it's the thoughts and the people.
the people that never seem to leave my mind throughout the whole day,
who now have a permanent place deep inside my thoughts.

pebble

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect,

every action in this world will bear a consequence. 

hate

i hate who i am.

i hate everything about me.

i hate the way i look, my face my height my everything.

i hate my grades.

i hate how in some people's eyes i never do anything right.

i hate that feeling of being so alone.

gone

what i've gone through? you'll never know,

and even if you do?

you'll never understand what it was like.

what it is like.

i wish i didn't have to go through this.

zone

when i zone out it's you that i think of;

beyond

POLAROID

today i rediscovered a Polaroid camera we have at home!
i remember finding it ages ago..but back then i didn't really get what it actually was..
but now?
i'm on the hunt to find some film for this little baby, hehe.

thoughts

i finally decided to add a thoughts thingy under my posts today,
'hrm wow wtf jizz' so if anyone actually reads my blog they can share some thoughts.

capture

2010

what do i want from 2010?

million

a million thoughts at once is actually possible..kind've.
wow i'm ...can't even think of one word to describe it.
feeling a million sorts of emotions at once is possible too,
there is an unimaginable number of things going on in my life right now.
happy, sad, depressing, shocking, amusing, mind baffling ...the list could go on forever.
i just need to think of some way to handle all of this..at once.
but how?

meowww

meowww. 

i'm a cat, because i have cat ears.

riddle?

it's not like my mind isn't going crazy enough over everything right now,
with enough thoughts packed in at once..
someone has to come give me some weird riddle to figure out?
i don't get it..should i get it? i'm too confused to figure it out..
sigh. wouldn't it be easier just to tell me?

12:12

i wonder why it's always 11:11 make a wish,
i missed 11:11 today because i was busying doing maths ew.
its 12.12 now just past midnight. can i wish now?

since

since when did grades have to mean everything?
since when did school and homework and reports have to be the priority?
since when did my happiness not matter to anymore?
why should grades matter more than my happiness? 
why?

CT

ew so tomorrow is my first common test for this year. and my last ever common test, ever.
which is a good thing, i'm so sick of them.
but i actually kind've want to do well on this test, well meaning at least over 50..i hope.
but the problem is, i seriously cannot be fucked studying at all,
i just can't bring myself to do it. ugh.
i'm a stupid lazy fat shit.

if...

priority

sleep and food used to be a priority.
something that without you'd feel weird.
without all the junk food, without all that precious beauty sleep.
now i don't really give a fuck,
i can go without sleep and food.
who really cares about food and sleep anymore?

kind've

it's a hot day today and the fan is is on,
before the cold wind felt soothing against the heat.
now it just feels kind've cold.
i feel kind've cold,
and alone,
in my own little world.

different

meant

meant being the past tense. meant being not anymore. meant meaning once upon a time.

lying

is it you i'm lying to?
or am i lying to myself?

reach

have you ever wanted something so much,
yet known the price to pay is too high,
known that as much as you want it,
it's too far from your reach?

triangles

∆ beats

catches

A pretty face catches your eye, but a pretty personality catches your heart.

macaroons

macaroons + drugs = nom nom nom, yummay

hopes

don't get your hopes up too high,

because you'll probably just find yourself let down, again.

thinking

everyday, it's already a while past midnight, i crawl into bed and i lie there.
i shut my eyes but i can't sleep, i'm still wide awake.
so i open my eyes and stare aimlessly at the ceiling,
completely awake with a million thoughts in my head.

thinking about what happened that day,
thinking about the next day,
thinking about whats to come,
thinking about what used to be and what is now,
thinking about nearly everything,
thinking about you and me.

better

you say it like it's true but i know better than that now.
you can seem so sincere but now i doubt it's true,
i know better than to believe you now.

would've

i think that if i had the chance i might just be able to,
but i don't, so i can't.
but if i could've i would've.

bam.

i can come home feeling generally happy most of the time and 10 minutes later?
bam. in my room miserable.
that's just how it works.

right

because i just can't do anything right today can i?

i just keep fucking everything up,

that sounds about right.

chemicals

I got a secret,
Please don't repeat it,
I took the chemicals we took to make our chemistry,
And I remixed it,
It didn't fix it.
All it did was make the memories a blur to me.

brighten

you manage to brighten up my day without even knowing it..

surprise

no surprise i cried in dear john today.
why am i so emotional these days i'll never know.
city was fun though, i still want to get those cat ears..

midnight

my nails are now a deep Revlon midnight affair blue. hehe.

spiraling

i was lying there for forever last night,with thoughts spiraling through my head.
stupid people, get out of my head and let me sleep.

notice

Hot, angry tears rolled down her face. She could sit in her room crying, the tears just spilling down her cheeks, and they wouldn't even notice. Sometimes she'd just lie down on her bed and think, and think, often in a daze of unhappiness, but they thought she was just wasting her time day dreaming. Sometimes she would stay awake for a long time, thinking and thinking, and not being able to sleep. because of the thoughts spiraling through her mind nonstop. But they didn't know any of this because they never noticed these things. They didn't understand that she was young and needed her fun, that she already had so much going on around her, that sometimes she couldn't handle so much of this at once. That sometimes she needed to break free of all of this.

scars

are there to remind us of the good and bad memories,
the stupid and fun things we've done.

like

confusion is spinning through my head around and around;
all these random 'i bet you like _' from people.
i honestly don't know now either. 

yay.

eventful lunch time yesterday.
grazed my knee climbing up the tree, grazed my ass sliding down the tree because mrs collin saw us and then fell down chasing a magpie.
yay.
i'm in pain now.

deserve

stop making life so difficult for me.

let me have my fun.

i'm 15.

i deserve it.

trying

sick of crying, tired of trying.

asleep

thank goodness i had that cup of coffee earlier, or else i'd probably be half asleep on the keyboard by now...

night.

 

holidays should be good fun i hope, got quite a few things to look forward to hehe.
please don't ruin it for me.

brooke,

"I don't care if she's a tape dispenser, I love her!"


oh and,