hope

why?

why does everything good in my life have to go wrong?
why?
someone tell me why..

please

and it's back.
second night in a row.
why? take it away, please?

shut

i don't think anyone really gets it.
lately, or for a while, lifes been kind've messed up,
or maybe it's just me..but there seem to be endless problems that i don't know how to solve.
i have amazing people around me who try to help me,
but i just shut them out.
i don't let anyone in anymore..but i didn't used to be like this. 
i know people are trying to help but i don't know whats happened.
i constantly shut people out and try to deal with everything on my own,
which obviously isn't the best idea and isn't working.
it's not like it hasn't been pointed out,
shutting out my best friend, my boyfriend, friends..everyone.
i don't know what's gotten into me,
but i'm sorry.  

worse

it's been a while.

maybe even a few weeks now,

but tonight, it's back.

somehow worse than last time,

worse it's been in a while. 

do you know that it hurts?

lows

the highs and lows just get worse and worse, day by day.

wanders

health

today in health, we had a whole periods talk on sleep,
about teenagers needing 9-10 hours of sleep every night.
i'm getting about half of that, every day on school nights. sometimes less.
weekends is probably a bit more than half.
we talked about signs of sleep deprivation such as lack of concentration, motivation, attention span, zoning out,
as well as the daytime naps, the caffeine intake..and shit time management,
which is basically me summed up.
the mornings i'm such a mess, and i look double as bad and as messed up.
most of the time it's worth staying up, but sometimes i don't know what i'm up so late doing.
what.has.gotten.into.me.

day

mm formspring was a phase a while back, but i went on just then to find the post above. 
whoever you are, you just made my day through this post.
somehow i think you probably know me vaguely well, to know that things have been putting me down and such sometimes so it would be okay to tell me in rl,
but thanks anyway for making my day.

inside

wings

 you don't have to have wings,

and i know that you can't fly,

but you're an angel in my eyes.

worst.

worst fucking day.
it was cold and windy for starters and feels like winter even though it's only autumn.
winter uniform was warm though. 
no specific teacher came up and told me off for tbars though we did get warned in section meeting. 
who really cares though? it looks better and is way comfier than fugly man shoes.
except a bunch goody two shoes did stare at my shoes in section meeting,
and i got quite a few 'rebel..' from my friends haha.
but who really gives a shit.
then some douches in chinese had to scream and inform my chinese teacher and the whole class about my love life.
...not quite necessary.
so then i flipped them off and got caught by the teacher.
great.
and i was kind've fucked the whole day from about 4 or 5 hours sleep..don't blame me stef haha.
then got home and everything just got even worse if that's even possible.
...yeah fuck my life.

truth

The truth may hurt, but I'd prefer to hear it than lies. 

say

say what you think, not what you think you should say.

or else what is the point?

prove

If you like me, tell me. 

If you miss me, show it. 

If you love me, prove it.

better?

just as i thought life was getting better again?
it's dropped right back down, again.
when i'm upset i tend to eat a lot.
the past few weeks i've stuck to my word and hardly touched junk food,
seeing as i normally piles of crap every day.
lately though, i haven't had any.
to be honest, i never feel like eating food anymore. 
so i often...don't.
today i kind've spased though, maccas chocolate coffee junk all of it.
but now i just feel..ugh.
this is when life just slides downhill.

affects

after all this time, it still affects me. 

i can't help it,
i can't do anything about it.
as much as i try to get it out of my head,
it just won't go.
it's still getting to me.

care

you don't want to wait too long, or she'll think you don't care.

free

thank you for setting me free, without even knowing it.
i think i've found the key, the escape, the way out of it.
the better way out of it.
and i've hopefully learnt to let the pain lead me to doing stupid things like that again.
because thanks to you i finally feel better again.
this doesn't mean life is perfect now, i don't think it will ever be.
but i've finally learnt to maybe just have a look at the better side of things.

umm,

umm, should i be worried or just really amused that my best friend's family friend's mother knows about me and my boyfriend?
without really knowing either of us?
haha she went and told my best friend in a secretive way today that he was the boyfriend of 'tiffany...turtle'
and wondering if that was the girl's real last name.
mm completely, i'm asian and my last names turtle. makes complete sense to me.

haha

haha i'm so easily amused...

You don't even have to say "Lumos Maxima" to turn me on.
I'm just like Oliver Wood, baby... I'm a KEEPER.
The Sorting Hat has spoken and it says I belong with you.
If i were to look into the Mirror of Erised, I'd see the two of us together. 

secure

carry me through the night,

hold me secure in flight,

sing me to sleep tonight.

BW

"Not everyone's going to wait 18 years for an i love you"

- Blair Waldorf

reality

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

gone

Spongebob: What do you usually do when I'm gone?
Patrick: Wait for you to get back.

reversed

i always wonder how it would work if the problem was reversed,
what would happen if it was vice versa.
would you do the same that i would do for you,
or would you do it differently?
would you treat the situation the same way i do?
i guess i'll never know.

perfect

hrm missed a party last night. i don't know if i would've really enjoyed it if i went though,seeing as i don't know half the people there as there'd be a lot of year 11's.
and also i don't even know the ones i do know that well so i don't know how it would've gone...
especially with the planned 151 and such..
oh well i think my day was pretty perfect without it :)

good

ahh good day out in the city with some lovely people.
just a day filled with starbucks, photoplus, cinemas, raw cookie dough, hugs, lying in the grass and chilling outside state till a little past 6 watching all these kids get high.
i don't know what i would do without these people..i really don't. 
maybe tired but i feel the happiest i have in a long time.

lucky

 all i can say is i'm a very lucky girl :)

omnomnom

om nom nom nom
for bean :)

stay

You make me happy. 

Stay in my life. 

Simple as that.

i hope that's not too much to ask for, 

because i don't know what i'd do without you.

belly

we both want belly piercings.
we both have tight ass asian parents.
we both know it's not going to happen soon.
sigh...one day :(

highs

these deserve to be in bold :)
-falling in love
-bubble baths
-giggling
-long conversations late at night 
-laughing at an inside joke
-having someone tell you that you're beautiful

easy

remind me again why life has to be so hard??

i remember back in the day when we were in junior school,

what worries did we have?

who to pair up with in class? 

who to play with at lunch?

life used to be so easy...

tight

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight, and say,"I know you're not."

cuddle

...worse?

...and worse? 

that one day, she'll grow up.

3.21am

3.21am...
maybe the red bulls finally kicked in?
then again i'm generally pretty awake at this time...
i dont know but i do know sleeps the furthest thing on my mind right now,
that's for sure.
i have way more to think about right now,
with some very nice thoughts to put me to sleep :)

shit

i feel unimaginably...sick..ish.
and i don't think its just from the popcorn chicken, 5 gum, red bull, mother and gelato consumed in the city today.
ugh ugh ugh feel like shit .
more than shit actually.

confused

a million thoughts right now,
sleep might help but not that i'll be getting much with crazy thoughts...
time to swap words around a bit though,
it's not you it's me.
and why it was different with them?
they didn't know me, it was different.
things weren't right with them. 
i know it wouldn't of worked out with them.
why?
because they aren't you.  
mm bed time now..or shall we call it thinking time..
2.30am, i'm hungry,
goodnight everyone.

prettier

'I just wish I was prettier...'

don't we all?

we'd all kill to be prettier.

to be prettier than those other girls,

who we just can't compete with..